To Finish or Not to Finish....

To read or not to read -- that is NOT the question.  Yes, you need to read, but do you need to finish that book?

 

Perhaps, like me, you were told to “finish what you begin,” and that adage extended to books.  From childhood throughout my youth and into adulthood, I dutifully finished every book I started.  I’ve waded through some tomes that were pretty much pure torture.  One that immediately comes to mind is Atlas Shrugged.  I finished it, but began to speak to myself differently after that.  “I’m a grown-up.”  “I don’t have to read things I don’t like.”  “Life is short.”  “There are so many great/enjoyable books out there.”  You get the idea.

 

So now, I give a book a good go, but if it doesn’t grab me by the third chapter or so, I make a different choice.  You may wonder – should we “make” kids finish books?  

 

If the child has a chronic problem of not finishing things, then maybe a well-chosen book with subject matter of interest to said child should be a must-finish project. Maybe an incentive could be established to encourage the finishing of one book, then two, etc.  If you find a series of children’s books, and the first one is a hit, then you are golden.  Here’s a handy online database that may help your search: http://www.mymcpl.org/books-movies-music/juvenile-series.  (Hint:  Elementary-aged boys tend to like factual, non-fiction books.)

 

Maybe your child’s school has an active Accelerated Reader (AR) program with points earned for reading books and taking online quizzes.  For some kids, that’s great incentive to finish a book.  If you want to look up the reading level and point value of books, you can go to: http://www.arbookfind.com.

 

My own kids weren’t crazy about AR, but they liked to “earn” new books by reading a certain number of books (in keeping with their ages/abilities).  They would keep track on a reading chart at home and then we’d make a trip to the bookstore so they could choose a new book for their growing home library.

 

If incentives to read are not an issue, and you have an already voraciously reading child, then he or she has probably developed some discernment about what they like, and even recognize the difference between good and not-so-good writing.  In that case, I would apply the same principle that I give myself:  Read a few chapters, and if you’re not engaged – give it up and make another choice. 

 

They may not yet be grown-ups, but they may be allowed to obey the little voice in their heads that says things like: “I don’t have to read things I don’t like.”  “Life is short.”  “There are so many great/enjoyable books out there.”

TOP 10 FOR PARENTS

 

Although I gave parenting my all, I know I made lots of mistakes. Perhaps you’re confidently parenting with skill, but maybe – like me – you could have used some pointers. Let me encourage you here, at the beginning of a new school year, that you have an opportunity to draw a line in the sand and make a fresh start. In the spirit of “It’s never too late,” I’m offering a few tips I’ve picked up over the years that I hope you’ll find helpful.

10. Laugh a lot. Don’t allow the pressures of parenting rob you of your sense of humor. Most things are just not worth the angst. Really.

9. Let your kids “own” their stuff. By that, I mean that it’s important not to rob your kids of tasks or opportunities for growth. Just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean they don’t have to do it THEMSELVES. If they are struggling, trying, working, the best thing you can do is take a stance of benign and friendly neglect in order to grow capable people.

8. Good enough is good enough. Perfect is too much – for anyone. Let it go already.

7. Rest is important for you and for your kids. When everyone is tired, over-scheduled, and stressed, nobody is at his or her best. Enforced “down time” and bedtimes are a must.

6. Don’t expect kids to be more mature than you are. ‘Nuff said.

5. It’s natural to get angry at times. Of course you do! But try try try NOT to react or punish out of anger. Give yourself a breather. Take deep breaths, count to 10, or walk away with a promise to return. Then deal maturely with the issue keeping long-term goals in mind.

4. Are you a “messy” and your child is a “tidy”? Are you a “quiet” and your child is a “noisy”? Are you a “doer” and your child is a “thinker”? Learn to love and accept your child for the person he or she is. They are who they are. They will likely still have those traits as adults. Hopefully, they will love and accept you for your traits, too.

3. Enlist their help with household tasks, even at a very young age. Let them take charge of some jobs. Parents are not household servants. You are a family working together so everyone can have a life.

2. Less preaching, more showing. Let your kids see you living out your priorities and values. They are studying you and your actions. Live what you believe so they want to emulate you instead of some dubious public figure.

1.Respect your children. What a wonder to have little people who love us and learn from us. Listen to them, value their opinions, learn what makes them tick. Respect gives dignity and makes people feel loved. The relationship is everything.

I’m pulling for you. Keep calm and parent on.

Children and Reading -- Part 1: Choices

When I worked in the elementary school library, parents would complain that their children didn't like to read, or that they would only read graphic novels, or would only read non-fiction, or would only read magazines.  I like a discerning reader as much as the next book lover, but let's keep our eye on the goal.  The goal is reading. My own children's choices in reading material was not always stellar.  One liked Rainbow Brite and the other liked to read the Sesame Street Dictionary, but guess what?  They are both excellent readers and writers as adults. And be honest, now.  Don't we like our People Magazine,  50 Shades, sports pages?  Of course we do. And we are reading.  Hopefully, we choose to read more lofty, well-written materials as well.  Let's not expect more of our children than we expect of ourselves.   So, I say -- let the kids read what interests them.  You may be sick of Captain Underpants, but they aren't.  Okay, Mom & Dad:  No eye-rolling,  sighing, or disapproving crabby faces.  Smile and be happy for your budding readers.   Let them indulge in reading for their pleasure, and you will have another life-long reader in the family.  

More ch - ch - ch - changes!

In late January, I began a part-time, on-call position as a biometric technician for the U.S. Department of Immigration office in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  Quite a switch from other positions I've held, but I like it and the people I work with are so nice and professional.  The bonus is that I am meeting people from all over the world! What a wonderful opportunity.  I might find material for writing, you never know.  Life is GOOD.

Recalibrating...

Such a math-ish term for a word girl to use!  Isn't this just life?  You think you know what's next, but NO!  Life has a surprise for you.  I had just such a surprise a couple of weeks ago when I received a phone call letting me know that I am being transferred from the elementary library where I have been for the past couple of years to -- wait for it -- the High School library!  Wow!  I will be with the Very Big Kids.  So I am attempting to shift gears in my head, recalibrate my thinking, learn about books for older students.  I'm sad to leave my little students.  I'm quite sure nobody is going to offer me a proposal of marriage with a pink cardboard ring on Valentine's Day or run up and hug me in the hallway, but there will be other rewards.  My recalibrated self is counting on it. 

Iowa Writer's Festival July 2013

Here I am once again looking for my muse in order to write what's on my heart.  What's the problem?  I think I write a little too succinctly to be able to write a whole novel, although I certainly have plenty of material.  Maybe a novella?  chapbook?  pamphlet?   

There are some very talented writers in my class and I learn so much from reading their work.  The instructor is also so good and I have my conference with him this morning.  I'm hopeful that I'll have a sense of direction after today.  It seems like I generally have this lostish feeling mid-week when I come here, and then experience some kind of breakthrough.  Let's hope the trend holds....

Shining Eyes and the Power of Music

I love to listen to TED Talks online.  If you have never seen/heard one, I urge you to take a few minutes to enjoy this one:  http://www.ted.com/talks/benjamin_zander_on_music_and_passion.html.  It's a wonderful demonstration of the power of music, and a strong argument for more music education in our schools.  This is why I play CDs of classical music during open times in the elementary school library where I work.  We all need more -- not less -- exposure to beauty.

Nearly July 4 -- what???

I can hardly believe that June is nearly over; summer is whizzing by.  Last weekend, I went to Iowa City -- not for the writer's festival -- but to hang out with friends who were taking classes.  I'm going again in July for two classes:  Dialogue "You Talkin' to Me?" with Kate Aspengren and "Stinky Magic" the middle grade novel with Kelly Dwyer.  

Back to my weekend -- because of my lame hand, I shipped via UPS my "luggage," which was really a sturdy Scholastic Book Fair box, and I took the Amtrak from Holland, MI to Chicago, then walked a block from Union Station and caught the Megabus to Iowa City.  The Megabus stop in Iowa City is right behind the Sheraton where I stay.  Slick!  I liked it so much, I'm taking the same transportation when I go back even though the pins come out of my finger on July 3 and I will hopefully not be so incapable.  I may actually take a suitcase!!!

So, I caught up with friends from prior years:  Jane T, Rosemarie B., Stephanie Z., Jim C., and had a chance reacquaintance with Margaret, a pioneering documentary filmmaker who, in retirement, is writing her memoir. I was included in friend Kate Aspengren's class dinner on Thursday evening and as usual, met some very talented and interesting people.  On Friday, we went to a theater production, and on Saturday, ate out with some new friends from Argentina and Chile.  Laughed in excess: good for the soul.  

Dinner with Kate and Jane before the theaterTapas with new friends from Argentina and Chile

Kate and I visited her "statue" on the Iowa City Literary Walk.  Did you know that Iowa City is one of 5 Unesco World Heritage Sites for Literature?  Kate is a playwright and a humorist and a good friend.  Now she is famous.  So happy for her!

Kate Aspengren. The book on the top has her name on the spine.On the way back home, I sat with a very nice woman on the Amtrak.  Sherrie and her husband are creatives with a business in Grand Rapids.  Their newest venture can be seen at www.posypops.com.  We had a nice time sharing stories about the creative process.  I hope to see their booth at the Sunday Fulton Street Art Market soon.

My children's early reader chapter book is nearly ready for publication.  I am self-publishing through lulu.com. It's a bit of a learning curve and somewhat challenging, but I am super excited to see Lucky Lottie in print. Excerpt coming soon.  Stay tuned....

welcome to ms. hen's pen

so glad you found this page.  i am typing with one hand because i broke my little finger playing kickball at school. for the record, i made a good kick, but i tripped over my own feet running to first base.  i now have two pins in my finger and a gigantic bandage.  there may be a lottie story in all this some day, but for now i have only one hand to use.